08.26.10; self, snapshot.

[Taken Thursday, on one of my better days..in between sleep comas :p]

It's been about a year since I've uploaded a "real" portrait of myself online,

I've felt so unlike me--not editing everyday, uploading photos to share..

it came to a point where I looked in the mirror; at my photographs..

and didn't even know who it was I was looking at! :-O

Thankfully now I'm out of that fog, and as my health slowly progresses,

my portfolio slowly gets bigger. :]

I plan on uploading the images in batches over the next few days.

It'll be so exciting to get something done and feeling accomplished again!!

For now,

out with Mom&Gram to shop/shoot!!

<333

Mattress shopping adventures!!

So yesterday, Mom and me went to shop for my new bed;

actually IMMEDIATLY after I left the ER.

I was highhlyyyyy medicated, so I don't remember much..

[such as taking this photo! :x haha]

But, I DO remember how wonderful/funny the owners were,

the fact that I wanted to buy/eat all of the candles they sold 

(they smelled SO GOOD!),

watching James Taylor and his family walk out the door (it wasn't the drugs!)

and then modeling for the lady owner because she wanted to shoot my outfit! :D

She made me so happy,  

finally someone said something nice about me/my clothes

instead of making me feel like some walking entertainment for the normal/boring masses.

I was just trying to find a mattress,

&ended up having a party!!! hahaaha. WIN! <3

 [Oh yeah, found the mattress too! It's unbelievably comfortable!] 

Part 1 of moving bedrooms, down!

Now, to pick out the wall colors, the headboard, 

vanity, and new computer/scapbooking desk! :D

If you know of any great furniture stores, please share!

I'm looking for WHITE, vintage/victorian style furniture..

& am having a hard time finding anything decent in stores anywhere.

xox

THE ROAD TO HEALTH! Shot #2!

It came totally unexpected..

but as a beauuuuutiful gift.

(and/or slap in the face. :p)

Even though I wasn't actually due again til later next week

my body was giving me all the signs of danger.

Five different days this past week I've had horrendous sick spells,

ruining my weight-gain, and sending me back down to a mean 100 pounds. :[

Four of the spells were killer, but I made it through! 

& even made an appointment for Lupron shot #2 on Friday morning. :]

What do ya know, 

my body attacks so badly I haaaaave to go to the ER  

the very morning I'm due for my shot! (Fri, 20th)

WAHHHHHH!!!!! :[ :[

Thankfully my Patient Care Advisor is the best lady ever and got me connections

so I was IMMEDIATELY taken into a room, seen, and given meds. :]

(I can't tell you how many times before I'd be ignored to wait for HOURS on end)

Only at the ER for a few hours, and feeling much better

I immediately went to the Doctor and got the shot. :]

The difference when I'm on it, is just toooo amazing.

It's only been about 30 hours since the second injection

and the way it helps with eating, digesting, sleeping, and focus..

is already kicking back in!!!

So, this is it.

we finally know.

& a treatment's finally working!!

Now, it's just a matter of 6months more treatment of this shot,

another surgery to take out any scar tissues,etc left over..

& meeting a nutritionist to get back on a normal diet. :p

What an amazing thought, and feeling.

For so long I felt like it was never going to happen..just out of my reach..

but now I finally feel like I'll be able to LIVE again.

Incredible.

I'm the happiest girl in the universe! :DDD

Ch-ch-ch-chaaanges!! :D

Since my last health update on July 14th everything finally sorted out :}

Butttt..I had the worst episode yet Monday, July 26th;

I was tough, stuck it out,& instead of going to the ER..

when I could Tuesday morning, I called my doctor & 

that very day, I finally received the Lupron shot!

Since I'm so tiny and have no fat, the only place she could do it was my bum!

I have neverrr had to get a shot there before,  I was such a baby! hah :x

 [Band-aid is practically as big as my butt cheek!!hahah]

Now, this shot wasn't at all an easy decision.

In fact, I put off the idea of getting it for a year and half, since it's so serious,

and tried literally ALL other roads I could before having to say yes.

It basically stops all hormones, putting your body into a temporary menopause..

hot flashes and everything.

But I LITERALLY had ALLL side effects before taking it anyways,

(and haven't noticed a difference/bad side effect since..)

plus the Pros FAR outweighed CONS..so..no turning back now!

It's been almost three weeks, and changes are small but noticeable. ^.^

I find my whole abdomen to be in less pain..it's now in one concentrated area.

It's also easier to eat..I don't have to take as many meds to be comfortable..

& I'm noticing less memory loss/better comprehension!!

They say full results in 4-6 weeks;

I'm looking forward to see what's to come..

I have a goood feeling this is the first step to my full recovery!!!

*dance*

Lunch with mom&gram

At Panera Bread

(my favorite eating spot where I live<3)

We actually went the very same day I dyed my hairs with Alicia;

I just haven't gotten around to uploading the photos until now. :x

First, what I usually order from the menu!! 

Soft flavorful bread(I forget what kind), yummy smoked turkey, gouda cheese, bacon, 

lettuce and delicious spicy mustard sauce. :D <333

&an iced lemonade to make the meal even moreeee heavenly.

(in the background is mom's toasted roastbeef bluecheese thing. I'm not into it.)

& last, Grannie's choice:

A fruit&chicken salad, with some sort of strawberry dressing on top.

:-O

It was a pretttyyyy large bowl;

and she ate the ENTIREEEE thing..so it MUST have been yummy!

Doctor drama. I'm so over it.

After that rather frustrating, upsetting

not to mention TRAUMATIZING appointment..

my family met with the head of the hospital, 

the head of the ER, and head of Patient Relations..

since they realize how terribly I've been treated 

and are FINALLY taking measures to correct numerous issues.

The lovely girl who is head of P.R. actually got the  health ball rolling 

&now whenever I go to ANY place in the hospital,
I'm treated like a QUEEN!!!

It's awesome. Though, NEVER what I needed.

I just want to be seen, given some answers, and a treatment.

At least now, we're on the way! ^.^

Unfortunately though, my insurance is a big bitch. (to put it nicely)

They LOVE holding up serious medications I NEED. :|

 (since May, pretty much every time I've had to get meds, there's a problem.)

It just seems like there's always a huge bump in the road,

old witches with bad attitudes towards young women like me,

doctors that are clearly just pretending they know what they're doing,

and staff that would rather PUT THE PHONE DOWN ON THEIR LAP,

than listen to patient's concerns (about really serious issues)

IS THERE A CAMERA ON MEEE?

IS THIS HIDDEN VIDEOO?!!!

Alas, all I can really do is stay positive, 
have a good giggle over it..

and realize it'll all be better soon.

but I won't play hero,
it's really draining all the energy I have left..

especially since I have to FIGHT with these people to help me!

it's so so much easier when you have a support system..

& I cannot thank those that ARE supportive of me, my illness, my work, my life..

enough.

YOU are my true life savers!

<3

Hair dye: Lusty Lavender & Candy Pink!!

My hair has been one color: platinum blonde,

for what seems like forever now,

& I've been itching for a bit of color to spruce it up!

About 3 months ago I found this Lusty Lavender by Splat (@ CVS),

then this week I bought the Candy Pink by Raw (@ Hot Topic)

I of course couldn't handle this task myself so the wonderful ALICIA did it for me!<33

The lavender wasn't so much a lavender as a DEEP GRAPE;

but what can you really expect from a box that has the hair color photo-shopped in?! :p

We didn't have any actual tools or brushes to apply the dye;

we improvised.. she used her hands and a tiny paint brush. *giggle*

It was a bit messy...

purple and pink everywhere!!

Thankfully it comes out quite easily (with Dawn!)

AAAAND THE LOVELY END RESULTS!! 

I'm totally smitten with it. It's so much more beautiful in person!

The way it fades is GORGEOUS, I don't know how she did it!

The three colors are a magical blend,

& these results are inspiring me to shoot and design more!

I just feel more like ME with this hair. ^.^

<3

I'm a doormat for Doctors.

...or at least it seems that way.

With 90% of people there to 'treat' or 'help' me, not doing either.

I went into my appointment today PUMPED!

I was elated thinking I'd FINALLYYYY be seeing Dr. B

and have a serious, LONG OVERDUE conversation about treatment.

Well, he wasn't there of course. He never is.

He's always off delivering babies, or talking to some knocked up potato-sack.

So, of courrseeee I had to see The Wicked Witch from the West.

I've seen her before, and she's usually grumpy 

but today, the baseball bat was exceptionally far up her behind so

the SECOND she opened the door, she was miserable, defenses, SKY HIGH.

& The VERY FIRST WORDS out of her wrinkled old mean mouth were:

"That's not MY problem"

while she refused to even help answer a single question I asked..

instead, she snapped back with 

"I'm not qualified for that" or "I don't know. I can't do anything for you"

:|

WTF? 

WHAT DO YOU KNOW? WHY AM I EVEN AT THIS APPOINTMENT?!?

She just belittled me the entire time..

(mean time, I'm CRYINGGG because I'm so tired of being sick...)

She even had the ovaries to say,

"To be honest, you're not doing enough to help yourself"

You.

ARE.

JOKING?
...right??

No.

Okay.

Burn in the firey depths of Satan's living room.

This is just problem 38759375, and another stress.

ALMOST had to go to the ER this afternoon, because I was so upset I threw up!

&Here, I was thinking today would be a change.

HARDY HARRR. I'M SO FUNNY.

I should know better by know, but my positive outlook blinds the reality..

 *sigh*